Who am I?
Hey guys,
So before we get into everything I've done or everything I'm doing to recreate myself I feel like maybe we should discuss the old me, the one I'm trying to break. So let's get started.
Last year (2019) I found myself in a deep rut, one that I just couldn't seem to dig myself out of. I was engaged to a man, he was sweet and goofy but I knew in my heart that I didn't love him. But still, I stayed, I wanted it to work. I wanted him to be the one because in reality I want that Fairy tale love that we see in movies. This man might have been a good guy but he wasn't a good fit for me, instead of Cinderella and Prince Charming it was more like Cruella de Vil and a Dalmatian ( I won't mention who portrayed who). So after a few mental break downs and realizing that Cinderella is just a story, I came to my senses and ended things. Realizing that staying with him any longer was unfair to the both of us and only prolonging our chance at a happily ever after. We were living together at the time and as much as I wanted to stay in that cute little cottage we called home, so did he.
I ended up moving back home with my folks; which anyone who's ever done that knows its not the easiest. It requires a decent amount of work and a few alcoholic beverages. I am forever grateful to have parents who let me move home though, they have been nothing but supportive and helpful through this difficult time for me. They let me bring my sweet pup Jackson, which our 11-year-old family dog Mallory did not approve of and made that very clear. Lucky for Jackson he is three times the size of her and can stand his ground.
'
The job I had was in the medical field, I was a CNA (certified nursing assistant) and I provided in-home care. So basically I just went around and took care of elderly people in their homes until they passed away. Yes, it was an intense job and yes it was incredibly hard some days. You can't help but fall in love with these people, they tell you their stories and their experiences ( I started to feel like I actually was in the navy). I did this job for four years and I must've cared for hundreds of people.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVED this job I loved the company I worked for, the clients I cared for, and just the job in itself but I started to notice changes in myself that I didn't love. When I lost my first client, I cried and cried for days and just felt so down about the fact that this person was just gone. The fact that I would never hear his voice again, or see his bright blue eyes. It was really hard, I'm a very caring ad compassionate person and I didn't know how to handle it.
As we know, things get easier with time and eventually I didn't cry when I lost people and I started to be okay with that. People would pass and I would know that wherever they ended up that at least they weren't suffering anymore, or I would hope that they got to see their loved ones one more time. It didn't bother me until I started to care for this one lady. She was the most beautiful soul I've ever met, at 98 years old she completely stole my heart. She never complained, never talked poorly about anyone, she was pure. Her thought process was that she was '98 years old and healthy what would she complain about'. My favorite thing that she would do is whenever she'd forget something or find a new spot on her skin she'd just shrug and laugh and say 'old age'. She died last year, and my heart absolutely broke for her but I didn't cry. I loved this lady like she was my gramma but I didn't cry for her.
Some might say that I've just grown up and that I've just come to understand how the circle of life works but I felt like I'd lost that caring, compassionate part of myself and I wanted it back.
I started looking for new jobs and it turned out to be harder than I thought. I knew I wanted to be a waitress, I'd done it before and my mind needed a little bit of a break. I'm not saying that waitressing is easy or that it doesn't require skills because it definitely does however it is a bit of a brain break after my last job. I ended up getting hired at this cute little western joint up the street from my house, ( bonus- save on gas money)
So to recap, in the last year I've broken up with a fiancé, moved back in with my parents, and gotten a new job. However, even with all those changes I still didn't quite feel like myself, like I didn't find the pieces I'd previously lost. To try to find them I've created a list, I call it my Love Life List and it's full of things I want to do, places a want to see, new foods to eat. I hope to accomplish all of these things before the end of the year (2020) and fingers crossed that I figure out who I am or who I want to be moving forward in life! That's all for this post, Thanks for reading and going on this journey with me.
-Coco
So before we get into everything I've done or everything I'm doing to recreate myself I feel like maybe we should discuss the old me, the one I'm trying to break. So let's get started.
Last year (2019) I found myself in a deep rut, one that I just couldn't seem to dig myself out of. I was engaged to a man, he was sweet and goofy but I knew in my heart that I didn't love him. But still, I stayed, I wanted it to work. I wanted him to be the one because in reality I want that Fairy tale love that we see in movies. This man might have been a good guy but he wasn't a good fit for me, instead of Cinderella and Prince Charming it was more like Cruella de Vil and a Dalmatian ( I won't mention who portrayed who). So after a few mental break downs and realizing that Cinderella is just a story, I came to my senses and ended things. Realizing that staying with him any longer was unfair to the both of us and only prolonging our chance at a happily ever after. We were living together at the time and as much as I wanted to stay in that cute little cottage we called home, so did he.
I ended up moving back home with my folks; which anyone who's ever done that knows its not the easiest. It requires a decent amount of work and a few alcoholic beverages. I am forever grateful to have parents who let me move home though, they have been nothing but supportive and helpful through this difficult time for me. They let me bring my sweet pup Jackson, which our 11-year-old family dog Mallory did not approve of and made that very clear. Lucky for Jackson he is three times the size of her and can stand his ground.
'
The job I had was in the medical field, I was a CNA (certified nursing assistant) and I provided in-home care. So basically I just went around and took care of elderly people in their homes until they passed away. Yes, it was an intense job and yes it was incredibly hard some days. You can't help but fall in love with these people, they tell you their stories and their experiences ( I started to feel like I actually was in the navy). I did this job for four years and I must've cared for hundreds of people.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVED this job I loved the company I worked for, the clients I cared for, and just the job in itself but I started to notice changes in myself that I didn't love. When I lost my first client, I cried and cried for days and just felt so down about the fact that this person was just gone. The fact that I would never hear his voice again, or see his bright blue eyes. It was really hard, I'm a very caring ad compassionate person and I didn't know how to handle it.
As we know, things get easier with time and eventually I didn't cry when I lost people and I started to be okay with that. People would pass and I would know that wherever they ended up that at least they weren't suffering anymore, or I would hope that they got to see their loved ones one more time. It didn't bother me until I started to care for this one lady. She was the most beautiful soul I've ever met, at 98 years old she completely stole my heart. She never complained, never talked poorly about anyone, she was pure. Her thought process was that she was '98 years old and healthy what would she complain about'. My favorite thing that she would do is whenever she'd forget something or find a new spot on her skin she'd just shrug and laugh and say 'old age'. She died last year, and my heart absolutely broke for her but I didn't cry. I loved this lady like she was my gramma but I didn't cry for her.
Some might say that I've just grown up and that I've just come to understand how the circle of life works but I felt like I'd lost that caring, compassionate part of myself and I wanted it back.
I started looking for new jobs and it turned out to be harder than I thought. I knew I wanted to be a waitress, I'd done it before and my mind needed a little bit of a break. I'm not saying that waitressing is easy or that it doesn't require skills because it definitely does however it is a bit of a brain break after my last job. I ended up getting hired at this cute little western joint up the street from my house, ( bonus- save on gas money)
So to recap, in the last year I've broken up with a fiancé, moved back in with my parents, and gotten a new job. However, even with all those changes I still didn't quite feel like myself, like I didn't find the pieces I'd previously lost. To try to find them I've created a list, I call it my Love Life List and it's full of things I want to do, places a want to see, new foods to eat. I hope to accomplish all of these things before the end of the year (2020) and fingers crossed that I figure out who I am or who I want to be moving forward in life! That's all for this post, Thanks for reading and going on this journey with me.
-Coco
