Journal Challenge Day 21: Tattoos and Piercings?
I was going to do this last night, but I haven't been sleeping. Like at all. I think I got maybe four hours in the last 72 hours, but I was actually tired last night so before that feeling went away I decided to take advantage of it. It's been nice though, I've been awake to watch the sunrise for three mornings in a row. I sit in my cozy Papasan chair and watch it through my bedroom window with a cup of coffee. I'm just going to do two posts today to make up for it, so it's fine.
I'm gonna start with piercings because I got those first. My momma got my first ear holes pierced when I was about three months old. I obviously don't remember that, but thanks mom. The next thing I had pierced was my nose, at nine years old. I think I was the youngest person the guy had ever pierced. I remember going into my fourth-grade class the next day and everyone was like; "Omg there's a hole in your nose." I used to have a little skull nose ring and it was like a Courtney staple, I had that one for so long, I never lost it, it never fell out, it was part of me. It fell down the sink drain a couple months ago and I'm still irritated about it. I loved that nose ring. I have back up but they're not skulls, and I can't find another skull one like the one I had. Okay, so you know how I said that skull one never fell out? I had it for years and it never fell out. every single back up ring I had has fallen out and been lost. I had to put a hoop in my nose because it was the only thing that would stay there. I thought it was kinda tacky at first but it's grown on me. The only thing that drives my crazy and anyone who has their nose pierced will understand this struggle, the little ball that keeps it in there will rotate to the front and look like a boogie.
I have my belly button piered as well, got that done the summer before grade 10. My sister and I got them done together. I don't think she has hers anymore because shes had two babies, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm not too wild with my belly button rings, I dont know how people can wear those long dangly ones all the time, those always get caught in my jeans and that's fun. Right now I just have a plain and simple diamond one in. I have a batman man one that I'll put in sometimes to change it up.
Next I got my second ear holes pierced the summer after highschool. I was visitng my friend in Calgary and we went to the mall. It was a pretty rash decision for me, which is rare. We went into Claires and I was like' Ima get my ear peireced!' So I did. After it happened and we left the store my friend tells me how terrified the gal doing it looked and how shaky she was. I had no idea, I was too hyped about the whole thing. She did a good job though. You go girl from Claires!
I wanted my eyebrow pierced for a while before I thought better of it.
Okay onto tattoos. I got my first tattoo when I was 17, but I'm going to talk about that one last because it might be triggering for some people, and it's very personal for me.
The second tattoo I got during the same trip I was on when I got my ears peirced, it was August 15th 2015. My bestfriend and I love 'The Lion King', it's our thing. We watch it everytime we're together and we can pretty much recite the full movie. It has to be the original though, none of the remakes are any good. So naturally we got matching Simba tattoos. I talk about why I love 'The Lion King' in my Favorites post, so I won't repeat myself.
The next tattoo I got on August 25th 2017 at Industrial Tattoo in bellingham. It was my birthday present to myself, it was a month late but it was the soonest they could fit me in. It's a lyric from my favorite song, which I also talk about in my favorites post. You can't tell when it says in the picture because it's backwards, but it says 'Where a horizon meets a heart of stone." I just think those words are so beautiful. It's on my ribs, which people said would hurt but didnt. None of mine hurt when I got them done.
Okay, so now here's where I'll put the trigger warning. This includes self-harm so if you're not comfortable with that this is where you should probably stop reading. This is the tattoo I got when I was 17, my very first.
I got it on February 14th, 2015. I went through some things when I was younger, and when your young you're so fragile and everything is hard. Everything is the end of the world. My world changed completely and it happened so fast, I felt like I had to grow up and mature earlier then maybe other kids my age did. I felt like I had to be strong. Some things just get you, or haunt you, or eat you up and they got me. I started to harm myself, I'm not sure why I did because I knew how unhealthy it was and how many better ways there were to handle things. I used to see a lot of counselors, I don't remember a time during school where I didn't have one. However, I don't think I ever told any of them this. I didn't want anyone to think any different of me, because I was the strong one in my friend group, I was the one who helped people through this kind of thing. It wasn't my wrists that I cut, because I felt that like was more of an "I want to die" kind of thing, and I didn't want to die. I just wanted to be reminded of what it felt like to feel something. I cut my legs and I hid it well, I never wore gym shorts (any shorts for that matter) or shirts without leggings under them, I still don't, even though most of them have faded now. I used to feel so ashamed of the scars and I regretted creating them. It's still not something I love about my body but it's proof that I made it through something, and I'm proud of myself for that. What the butterfly represents is a person. There's this thing called the butterfly project, I never hear anything about it anymore so I'm not sure if it's still around but it was a crucial part of me getting out of this dark headspace that I was in. My friend (who I won't name for this part) told me about it and the idea. The point of the butterfly project is to help people who are victims of self-harm. What you do is you draw a butterfly on your hand or your arm or where ever, just somewhere that you can see it. You give the butterfly a name, the name of one of your loved ones, like your mom. I used my mom a lot for this. While you have this butterfly, before it fades away, you chose not to harm yourself. If you do, that kills the butterfly, therefore symbolizing that you've hurt that person. If that person were to find out about your self-harm it would hurt them, so it makes sense. I found it easier to refrain from it because I didn't care if I hurt myself but I cared when it was someone else that I was hurting. My friend went through similar struggles as I did and we did this together, we always had a butterfly or two on us. Having someone to go through this with made it a lot easier. So thank you for that. I don't have baths anymore, because that's when I would cut, even to this day I don't have very many. I said earlier that I didn't to it because I wanted to die, but there would always be this split second when I was laying in the tub and I thought about how easy it would be to just fall asleep in the water. I worry that even still I might have those thoughts when I have a bath. So I stick with showers. This butterfly is in a spot where I don't see it, but It represents someone who always has my back. I've found other ways to express these feelings now, I write poems about them, some of them are very dark and that's okay. I don't share those poems with many people. I highly recommend that if you're going through something and you're hurting that you try this. It might not work for everyone but there's no harm in trying. Also if you're in a dark place I want you to know that you can talk to me. I don't care if I know you or not, if we're friends or not, you can talk to me. I'll be here. Know you are loved, you are beautiful, you are appreciated, and this world is better with you in it.
That's it for this one, don't forget to love yourself and put yourself first. Doing that doesn't mean that you're selfish, and it doesn't make you a bad person. You are worth every second.
-Courtney. <3
I'm gonna start with piercings because I got those first. My momma got my first ear holes pierced when I was about three months old. I obviously don't remember that, but thanks mom. The next thing I had pierced was my nose, at nine years old. I think I was the youngest person the guy had ever pierced. I remember going into my fourth-grade class the next day and everyone was like; "Omg there's a hole in your nose." I used to have a little skull nose ring and it was like a Courtney staple, I had that one for so long, I never lost it, it never fell out, it was part of me. It fell down the sink drain a couple months ago and I'm still irritated about it. I loved that nose ring. I have back up but they're not skulls, and I can't find another skull one like the one I had. Okay, so you know how I said that skull one never fell out? I had it for years and it never fell out. every single back up ring I had has fallen out and been lost. I had to put a hoop in my nose because it was the only thing that would stay there. I thought it was kinda tacky at first but it's grown on me. The only thing that drives my crazy and anyone who has their nose pierced will understand this struggle, the little ball that keeps it in there will rotate to the front and look like a boogie.
I have my belly button piered as well, got that done the summer before grade 10. My sister and I got them done together. I don't think she has hers anymore because shes had two babies, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm not too wild with my belly button rings, I dont know how people can wear those long dangly ones all the time, those always get caught in my jeans and that's fun. Right now I just have a plain and simple diamond one in. I have a batman man one that I'll put in sometimes to change it up.
Next I got my second ear holes pierced the summer after highschool. I was visitng my friend in Calgary and we went to the mall. It was a pretty rash decision for me, which is rare. We went into Claires and I was like' Ima get my ear peireced!' So I did. After it happened and we left the store my friend tells me how terrified the gal doing it looked and how shaky she was. I had no idea, I was too hyped about the whole thing. She did a good job though. You go girl from Claires!
I wanted my eyebrow pierced for a while before I thought better of it.
Okay onto tattoos. I got my first tattoo when I was 17, but I'm going to talk about that one last because it might be triggering for some people, and it's very personal for me.
The second tattoo I got during the same trip I was on when I got my ears peirced, it was August 15th 2015. My bestfriend and I love 'The Lion King', it's our thing. We watch it everytime we're together and we can pretty much recite the full movie. It has to be the original though, none of the remakes are any good. So naturally we got matching Simba tattoos. I talk about why I love 'The Lion King' in my Favorites post, so I won't repeat myself.
The next tattoo I got on August 25th 2017 at Industrial Tattoo in bellingham. It was my birthday present to myself, it was a month late but it was the soonest they could fit me in. It's a lyric from my favorite song, which I also talk about in my favorites post. You can't tell when it says in the picture because it's backwards, but it says 'Where a horizon meets a heart of stone." I just think those words are so beautiful. It's on my ribs, which people said would hurt but didnt. None of mine hurt when I got them done.
The last tattoo I got is my baby girls pawprint, which was one of the items on my Love Life List and I talk about it in my 1/4 Way There post. I miss her so much, even still. That is her actual pawprint, it's enlarged to show detail but that's her. Eventually I'll add Jacksons and Mallorys as well.
Okay, so now here's where I'll put the trigger warning. This includes self-harm so if you're not comfortable with that this is where you should probably stop reading. This is the tattoo I got when I was 17, my very first.
That's it for this one, don't forget to love yourself and put yourself first. Doing that doesn't mean that you're selfish, and it doesn't make you a bad person. You are worth every second.
-Courtney. <3
